We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
