He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
