I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize