Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize