Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
