I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
