happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
