so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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