Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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