When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
