Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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