After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize