Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
