Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
