You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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