Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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