you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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