Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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