Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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