The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
