Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
