Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
