So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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