I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
