he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
