sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Come on in and take your pants off
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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