So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
