You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
