Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ketchup is God's man juice
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
