real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
