I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
