Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
