You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
