hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
