i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
