I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
