A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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