Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize