last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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