Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
