Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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