She's JV to your varsity
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
