1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
