I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
