Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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