that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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