I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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