It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just pee around me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
