I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
