I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
