sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
