I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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