one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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