I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
