I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
