from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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