youre lurking in front of me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
