I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize