We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
