you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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