Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The uberlube is also flammable
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize