my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
whose parrot is this?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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