I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
